i always rant on this blog about how much work i’m being buried under, this time i wont.
i’ve been pretty moody of late ….. perpetually haunted by memories i’d rather forget. Yet at the same time, forgetting just doesn’t seem to do them justice. Its like the only real option left is simply to brood and mourn. Which brings me to the 2 morals of the story…..

1) Everyone makes mistakes, just not everyone can afford to pay for them.

2) The theory of mourning is empirically a selfish act. But its a benign selfish act. Lets compare it with the concept of apologies. Its not that apologies are bad. But somehow most apologies are made in attempt to make the person-at-fault feel better, and less so for the victim. So at some point, if you screw up big enough, and you find yourself in a position where you’re considering “maybe [insert victim’s name here]’s life would be henceforth better off without me or any reminder of me”, then the only valid option left is to mourn. Ok you can apologize, but just once will do….. and maybe not even immediately…… take a 3months breather. Take the well-deserved guilt-trip. So mourning effectively allows a person to indulge in guilt, certain form of self-pity and blame while not being an ass or an irritatant to anyone else.

Obviously the next sensible question is……how long? I’m not 1 who for cliche answers…..and yet, sadly, the answer is: for as long as it takes….

waddaya mean you do understand!?!?!?! ok lemme go through it again.

hehe is a snigger

hiak hiak is suggestive

haha is just polite

hur hur hur is geeky

hahahahhaa is a laughter

whahahahaha is hysterical

muahahahahaha is friggin evil

bwhahahahahaha is super friggin evil

gwahahahahahaha ……. thats just a typo

11 DAYS TO EXAMS……OMG OMG WTF WTF OMG WTF OMG!!!
WAH LAO
even if i burn all my books and eat with porridge, 33 meals also not enuf to eat finish lor
maybe if i mix with water and drink got some hope
and sleep with the book on top of my head…..maybe got hope. maybe….
yay~~ hope

so a shitload of events have happened since my software hair… which looks nice now btw. hehe so all you folk, i’m now a zealous advocate of the holland V’s salon (i actually tried to dig up the darn namecard to write here……but i lost it) oh well, its the salon above brekos *i think*.

Finally finished up school projects. Now been busy doing outside work. Apparently WITS is also gaining some heat. The recent nexus event really helped market us quite a bit. The conference had lots of people who know people who know us. So it became a huge networking session. That itself spawned off a few interesting leads.

Oh a few people have emailed us telling us that the witsdom site is nice. heee yeah lester and i feel appreciated. Well actually more me than lester. And speaking of which, the biggest mistake i made, was i focking forgot to put up the google analytics code for WITSDOM! ARGH! no wonder i’ve always been wondering how come nobody visits our site, even when we give our namecards! Its really only when ppl started mailing us and telling us the site is nice that i got suspicious. So its actually thanks to them. Oh well, the problem is fixed now. But its still weird how come my blog gets more hits than my corporate site. damnit!

Oh yeah speaking of which also, this blog has become the top hit on google when you search for gaweee. Thats GREAT! although cyph says the name is unique anyway, which is true, but there still are posers out there trying to be me. Thats why i even have to use gaweeeeee as my skype name. -_- wtf rite?

So Darell is joining us as a freelance programmer. And we got his namecards printed! Not just anyone gets to be invited to be a part of us. And definitely not jut anyone gets his namecard. So we’re proud of him, and i’m sure in due time he’ll be proud of us too.

So lastly, i guess i have decided to go for the NOC trip this aug. Well janice’s advice makes alot of sense and i guess i should just take the plunge from time to time. I guess i just have to take my chances and try to balance work with er….SV work. And i must have trust that cyph and yang will take care of things while i’m gone and WITS wont just die away. So yeah, up and away we go…

i hasten to cross…
i lower my head, darting my eyes, finding the next distraction, weaving deep into a crowd. The crowd is full of strangers but its invitingly familiar. i remember my life’s lessons, the times i’ve done something i’m proud of, but more, all the others i’m not. the sound of the crowd fades away, time stopped for a moment. have i pulled to safety? hopefully…

i went for a haircut today, it was simply amazing. I came out looking worse than when i walked in. In essence i paid friggin 10 bux to TRY to get something better only to mess things up and be worse off. That sounds pretty much like software. So naturally, i’m pissed and i’m bitching now. Honestly, if i didnt know the auntie for the last 10 years, i am seriously tempted to kerosene her shop to hell. But oh well, whats done cannot be undone. no point crying over gone hair. To cut a f*cked up haircut is mortal, to grow it back, divine. In all, i still say shes damn powerful. Not everyone can screw up a haircut so badly. ESPECIALLY SINCE I CUT IT SO SHORT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE AN ARMY HAIRCUT! geeez. So in trying to describe how bad she screwed it up, i drew a pic for mervin to see.

I said…
looks like a bowl
but heres the interesting part
the BOWL………….is not straight
its like a lopsided BOWL
POWERFUL DESU NE

Mervin said…
maybe the in-style now
lmfao
looks like a beret

So there you have it folks… no more ahbeng haircut. only ugly geek I am soooooooooooo considering a recut but i think its too damn short to save. Oh well, probably wait 3 weeks and if it still bugs me, i’ll go get a recut.

couldnt sleep last night. and a thought crosses my mind…
Sometimes just because people do the things they do doesn’t necessarily mean they thought it through. Not every move is forseeable. Mostly, we just dont want to think of the outcomes. But when there is an imbalance, a wrong, a misdeed, that transgression is seen unmistakably clear by the other party.  And when that happens……….. what do you do? As the victim, do you have the patience and maturity to understand that people are very fallible indeed? As a the transgressor, can you wake up when you can smell the blood of the wound you’ve inflicted? What can you do? What will you do?
People are by nature selfish. We want the best for ourselves and we believe that everyone around us will understand to a certain degree of our pursuit of happiness. But as we grow up……its decreasingly so. So instead of understanding, we take what we can till we walk out. When we do walk out, we attribute it to economics, reason, logic, investments. Seems pretty clear cut? But people dont just want efforts…..despite what they claim. People want results. Its evident. So somewhere along that chain, opportunity rises for the scenario where the maximal efforts does not translate into results sufficient. Then everything is in limbo. You are the victim, you are the transgressor, you are the 1 who can make things right, and you are the 1 that cant.

It really sux to be in that position……. so the moral of the story: dont be.

I actually have shitload of work. I think shitload is an understatement here. I’ve got like 2 huge and 1 small WITS projects to settle in 6 weeks…. and i’ve got 3 big school projects to settle in 4 weeks, online participation crap for classes, studies to keep up, competition to join, classes to teach….. yeah my mom asked me “you think u superman ah?” If Stanley Bing were me, he’d say “I make superman look like a sissy”. So, i forsee myself being busy up to the point i fly off……..which is great in its own way.

So after being so ridiculously overworked, i’ve come to realise i charge cheaper than the Bangalah, cheaper than the Chinaman, cheaper than the Vietkongs. And apparently thats my selling point. So much for niche market……..i’m stuck at the lowest level of cost leadership! I work 10x harder than the designers of the project and i get paid only 2x more. man that sux. So i maybe i’ll go sell my soul to IBM or Accenture or something. Since i’m gonna be overworked anyway, might as well be properly compensated for it huh? Here is my draft:

Dear Sir,
Is there a vacancy in your company? I’m sick of programming for peanuts and working for monkeys……can i sell my soul to ibm instead?
Yours Sincerely,
Gary Teo

So what has happened? Jess is in Rome, Gary is in SG. Mid terms are almost over and i shouldnt do too badly *i think* I’ve gotten to know alot of Zihuan’s friends recently. They’re all fairly nice ppl! =D Somehow i think the introductions can only be 1 way. I honestly dont forsee myself introducing the ahbeng-kopitiam group to him. I dont have much decent friends too. that has soooooooooo got to change man.

Writing blog entries are always a hassle for me. Although i’m a person with many comments, i also have such disorganized thoughts……….that by the time i get to writing it down, i’ve lost track of the essence of the message. Then i start typing shit. Here is a good example.

well well, i guess the heading says it all. So friggin much work to do. The best thing? tutorials hasnt started yet. I need more hours in a day, i need less sleep, i need more energy!

So we went for a class reunion yesterday. Lets see, i graduated in 2004? and its 2007 now. so that makes almost 3 years! But still, once in 3 years is not good enuff a reason for some. Some seats were empty. pretty disappointing man. But nonetheless we all had fun, lots of stories, lots of laughter, lots of updates. Oh i think ahxuan’s daughter learnt to sense evil within a single night. First half of the night she was staring at me, second half………she started crying whenever she was brought near me. kids have an aptitude for sensing evil…..or so says hollywood.

Oh yeah, apparently Alicia is getting quite hot. as in Alicia Pan, as in………ok i cant remember for nuts what her old school IRC nick was. But i do remember her piano being pretty good. She played it with jess once for our chinese new year brothers gathering back in 2000. Seems like all i can do nowadays is reminisce……..